Pain and Sadness

The last few days were really horrible... the number of car bombs in the street is more than the number of the regular cars :*( so many explosions everywhere...So many kills everyday, a very small percentage of them ( the killed people) are American or from the occupation forces, and the rest are Iraqi people. Quran states that whoever kills an innocent soul is like he killed every soul on earth, i cant imagine that anyone can consider himself a Muslim would do that. so many theories about the party behind all that, you just open the discussion and hear every funny theory in the world.
today a taxi driver told me that he *knows* who is putting car bombs in front of the army employing offices, he said: they are Iran and Syria
and i was like "huh?" and i said: "why the heck would they do that?!"
he said "its all an American plan! The Americans are planning to make an Iraqi army that is strong enough to invade Iran, that's the plan they will invade Iran using the Iraqi army! And Iran and Syria want to make sure that doesn't happen!"
i pretended that i didn't hear that, and i didn't say a word:)
the other day i was sleeping, and then a really strong explosion happened, although i found out later that the car bomb was few kilometers away from my place, but yet it was strong enough o slap the doors inside the house, so of course i woke up, i panicked for a small part of a second before my brain realized it was only an explosion and got back to sleep, the thing that happened for the rest of the second that i panicked in, is that i was telling myself: what's up big guy, are you getting soft? Now an explosion wakes you up in panic?
well, it was only a small part of a second, but yet, it wasn't normal!
many people ask me, why don't you leave, you have a place in jordan, go live there, day after day, Baghdad is becoming intolerable, this evening i drove by some metal junk on the airport street, which are what's left of a car that exploded yesterday, and the cars that were around it, it just doesnt look real to me, all this, i deal with it like its a movie, i don't think that it could be me in any of these cars, i just continued my way, and thought that some trees beside the street were beautiful. (did i mention that i was in my way to the dentist? Isn't it just horrible this drill he uses to torture people who don't brush their teeth long enough?)
i had to do some paper work, in Karrada, it takes few hours to go there and come back, although its a few kilometers trip only, the traffic is just unbelievable, you would never expect to see that number of cars in one place in your life, over 1 000 000 cars entered Iraq since the invasion, and the number of streets is decreasing day by day, the occupation closes more streets to insure their safety.
is this ever gonna end?
the airport street used to be a small part of the heavens, so beautiful, trees and flowers, green grass and palm trees, now its ugly sand, with tanks hiding between what's left of the trees, after the occupation cut and burned every tree to make sure no one hides there.
the street itself used to be one of the finest and smoothest, i remember driving over 200km/hr when i wanted to test our car, the one that was hijacked, now its more like Swiss cheese, filled with holes coming form so many explosions happens on daily bases, increasing sometimes and disappearing other times.
Baghdad, the city of peace and love, the city of science and literature, doesn't exist anymore. Baghdad, where everybody is proud, where everybody can smile, is no longer there!
an ugly occupation, millions of unemployed people, economic crises, looong lines o get fuel for your car, suffocating traffic jam, killing, looting, hijacking and explosions, that is what Baghdad is all about today.
when one walks in the street, you look behind your shoulder, you are afraid to be kidnapped, or killed by thieves, or by the occupation army, by mistake, as usual, or get a bullet from no where, but still when i walk i remember the words of our National anthem:

My homeland...My homeland..
your youngesters shall not get tired, of wanting independency, and dying in their way to have it.
we would rather drink from the glass of death, but we wont be slaves for the enemies...
we shall not accept, an everlasting humiliation and a miserable life...
we shall not accept that..And we will restore your great glory...
My homeland....my homeland...

and i let my tears flow down....
me*(